STEP ASIDE RIHANNA - NOLLYWOOD'S EMPRESS NJAMAH DOES IT RED TOO....

Nollywood Actress, Empress Njamah

Singer and Style Rebel Rihanna

Nollywood Empress Njamah, is officially Nigeria's first RED head! You have to give it to her...she is one BOLD girl..!!! Plum, I understand but RED??? That takes a new level of fashion and style appreciation reserved for celebrities...but if Rihanna could swag it..why not Empress..? This girl just loves to play with colour...she even wore RED shoes to match her hair...wanna see it? Whoops here it is...:)

SHARE:

EKU EDEWOR'S BEAUTY SECRET? MUM'S THE WORD....!!!!

The very stylish, Eku Edewor
Pic credit: Lumi Morgan

Hey guys! I officially met Lagos fashionista and Studio 53 Reporter, Eku Edewor at Le Petit Marche on Sunday..(Nice!) but guess what? She is a Seriously Doughnuts reader too (Smiles..Yay!). Well, I’ve talked about her enough times here so I guess she just had to get to the bottom of all the smoke or so, I tell myself...LOL!  

Anyhoooo! She has graced the cover of almost ALL Naij Magazines so its a given that Lagos and the media love this girl but it’s so easy to see why. 

Her style is effortless and the best of times she stands out. She was actually one of the nominees for the Arise Magazine - Style Icon Award which Nike Osinowo-Soleye won

But if you ever wondered why Eku is so pretty...I'll tell you in one word - “MUM”. That simple people..she cheats...big time with a lot of help from the family tree! I met her mother too on sunday and thought that explains it...!!! 

Yes, people her Mama, is also as gorgeous and a serious fashionista contender too (Sunglasses, IT bag, gorgeous hair..the lot!) For real Y’all Eku’s Mother has got it going on!!!. Infact, they could pass for sisters and considering it was Mother’s day on Sunday..it was really cute seeing the pair bonding, doing what girls love most ...Fashion Shopping!

But I know you lovely people also have gorgeous mothers too and in celebration of your mother, do tell what your best or odd feature inherited from her is?  

As for me, I have my mother’s smile..(Cheese..!), her roundish-squarish face but unlike her I have just one  dimple on my right cheek...Love it! Hee! hee!

SHARE:

SCOTT'S THEORY: ONCE YOU GO NAIJA, YOU DON'T GO BACK....

Meet Scott Jameison, an expat worker in Nigeria. He is as an Engineer and has lived here for 5 years. He has probably had more than enough "Naija Babes" to brag about it on his Tee! (cos, I don't think he was talking about going to Lagos)..

He totally loves Nigeria and says he will certainly be here for the next 5 years or more...

I noticed his quirky T-shirt (It reads: Once you go Naija, you don't go back) and thought it was quite funny but audacious of him to wear it to Le Petit Marche last Sunday, where there were lots of Naija girls milling around, although no one looked offended by it...

But what do YOU think about his Tee?

Would you say it's funny, patronising or a nice compliment?

SHARE:

TINSEL AUDITIONS: THE ONES THAT CHOSE TO FOLLOW THEIR DREAM...

Olayinka Epega, PR Executive
(Content Multichoice)

A-list Event Planner, Funke Bucknor-Obruthe of Zapphaire recently played a cameo role on Tinsel, appearing as herself and planning Fred and Sheila's wedding and guess what...Funke loved it and so did we at Seriously Doughnuts..in fact we absolutely love Tinsel...(I'm slowly getting into it...its the Naija equivalent of Dallas)
Tinsel, Nigeria’s No.1 world-class daily soap opera, recently held auditions on the 25th and 26th of March at 3 Locations in Lagos. As per usual, my team and I where on the town and made a stopover at one of the audition locations, The Protea Hotels, Maryland. First, we spoke with the lovely Olayinka Epega, PR Executive (Content-Multichoice) to understand the idea behind holding auditions across Lagos (and Abuja). Olayinka, kindly obliged, explaining that the much loved MNet Africa daily soap opera, the first of its kind in Nigeria (and the first to be shot on HD) was gearing up for a new season, hence there were valid expectations to grow the cast in line with new roles that would no doubt emerge, hence the auditions were being organised to find the very best actors and actresses to compliment the existing all-star cast.

And as you can imagine it was packed with many hopefuls who arrived pretty early and as a crowd quickly built up, you could feel the passion (and tension) in the air. All armed with auditioning forms and pictures ready for the judges, I asked a few of the attendees why they wanted to join the Tinsel cast and the responses where unanimous - The Tinsel production was top notch and joining the cast would be every Actor and Actresses dream come true.

I was particularly impressed at the zeal and energy of the hopefuls and interestingly enough, there were seasoned actors and actresses as well as new faces  at the auditions hoping to get a shot at joining the Tinsel cast..With a little help from my team, I spotted Boma Mac-Ake from The Next Movie Star Africa as well as  Eyo Eminue, 2nd Runner up, MTN Project Fame West Africa, Gabriel Afolayan (of the famous Afolayan Acting Family) but for me the most interesting person I saw  was MTN BEST MALE MODEL of 2010 , Evangelist Eric Adebayo Taylor...(He is the suited good looking older man in the MTN Smartlink  advert on billboards all across Lagos)...in my opinion he would make a really rich father figure or businessman in Tinsel...Ohhh! I hope he gets through the auditions ...

So, here’s wishing all those BOLD actors and actresses who went to the auditions following their dreams good success...No doubt many out there will become some of Nigeria’s future stars ...
Look out for the full coverage in Ovation Mag..

So peeps, what would you do to chase or follow your own dreams???? While you consider your answer, here are a few of dream chasers I saw and loved at the auditions...Guys and girls, Ladies and Gentlemen...Seriously Doughnuts salutes you...

 I love this advert featuring - Evangelist Eric Adebayo Taylor.
He also came to follow his dream of acting....he was such an eloquent gentleman...

Thompson Ogunyemi (Member of Tinsel cast), yours truly and Evangelist Eric Adebayo Taylor
( He is the model in the MTN advert above), he was ever so polite too....!!!

  Eyo Eminue (2nd Runner up, MTN Project Fame West Africa) 
and Boma Mac-Ake (The Next Movie Star Africa)

Gabriel Afolayan (of the famous Afolayan Acting Family)

Representing ALL the Lagos fine boys, Camera shy,  Deji Ipaye

Lovely Georgina Ibeh

The Fabulous, Chikaodi Amadi

The Real Superman, William Eze

The gorgeous, Princess Ogbaji

What would you do to follow your dreams???

Do you think you're too old for your dreams??

Would you boldly tell friends what you dream to be?

SHARE:

SD HAIR: FRINGES ARE BACK BUT WHO ROCKS IT BEST???

After parting with lots of bucks for Brazilian, Spanish, Russian, Indian, Peruvian (etc) hair, it is never an easy task talking a Nigerian girl into a fringe according to a stylist I spoke with, who said ladies would scream.."Please don't cut my hair..I paid $£xxx for it" It was as though fringes were suddenly reserved for cheaper hair pieces like the chinese hair most used before the real hair craze blew up. So fringes just kinda disappeared while chicas enjoyed their real hair investments in 'flowie' mode but by the looks of things, fringes are returning with a vengeance, spearheaded by some fabulous celebs in super luscious hair but who rocks the fringe best? 

MoCheddah, Agbani Darego, Millen Magese, Stephanie Okereke or Genevieve Nnaji? 

MoCheddah

Agbani Darego

Millen Magese

Stephanie Okereke

Genevieve Nnaji

SHARE:

NEWS UPDATE: POLITICIANS, CELEBRITIES, GUESTS RUN FOR THEIR LIVES AS POPULAR WEDDING AND EVENTS VENUE, THE BALMORAL BURNS TO ASHES

A woman running to safety as fire broke out at the Balmoral
Pic credit Naija Timmy

The Balmoral, a popular Lagos wedding and events venue located at 98 Kudirat Abiola Way, Oregun, Ikeja has been completely reduced to ashes except for the signage and facade following a fire that ravaged through the structure yesterday evening during the City People Magazine Awards 2011.

Some people thought it was safe to
 watch from a fuel station

The day had started off like any other event at the very beautiful Balmoral, except that yesterday, the Balmoral expected a quintessential gathering of the nations biggest names in business, fashion, entertainment etc as the City People geared to honour them in  it's yearly achievers awards.

The event was scheduled to start at 2pm  but was running fashionably late. By about 3:30pm the hall was full to capacity with guests, celebrities and society personalities such as:

Erelu Dosunmu, Musicin, Tuface Idibia (who performed before the fire), Actress Genevieve Nnaji (who received an award), Senator Ita Giwa,Pastor Chris Okotie, Radio Personalities, Yaw and Lolo 1 of Wazobia FM, Actress Laide Bakare, Comedian Teju Baby Face, Tasty Fried Chicken MD, Mrs Olayinka Pamela Adedayo, Singer Tiwa Savage, Mrs Abba Folawiyo, Alariwo of Africa to name a few.

Side view of the front part of the Balmoral this morning from the petrol
station beside it.

The event however, eventually kicked off around 4pm, to the delight of the guests. The decor  arranged by Rostal Flowers was said to have been splendid and by all indications the event was set to be another evening of fun for all but it wasn't to be so. 

According to our source, two awards had been presented and Mrs Abba Folawiyo was named as a recipient of a Lifetime Achievement Award. It was while everyone waited for her to receive the award that a guest noticed a small fire on the venue drapes towards the front of the hall. She screamed that the curtain was on fire  and the MC apparently calmly requested that someone put it out with a fire extinguisher but before the extinguisher arrived the fire had spread to the ceiling and mayhem descended on the venue as people started screaming and running to safety as the fire continued to spread. It was apparently a totally unbelievable scene as the crème de la crème, celebs, politicians and guests alike took to their heels running for their dear lives as the venue is right next door to a petrol station with fear of an explosion. While the venue burnt to ashes, thankfully everyone got out safely and the fire was contained by the Lagos Fire Service who we are told arrived within 15 minutes of the fire breaking out.

View of the back of the Balmoral

I spoke with some attendees who gave varying reports as to what they thought caused the fire and as can be imagined various conspiracy theories are already beginning to emerge. From politically motivated angles (PDP/ACN), suspected arson to careless staff, everyone seems to have their own opinion as to the source of the fire.However, until these theories are investigated and confirmed, Seriously Doughnuts cannot go into further details.

Seriously Doughnuts contacted popular A-list event planner, Funke Bucknor of Zapphaire Events (who was not at the event) to get her reaction to the loss of one of the most beautiful event venues in Lagos and she said "I'm so upset and devastated. We work there so often with the management and I can't begin to quantify the loss involved"

The devastation inside the Balmoral

One of the vendors  who was stationed at the City People Event yesterday, Mr Caesario de-Medeiros of Liquid Kraft, a Mobile Bar service providing it's world-class bar service before the fire broke, mentioned that they lost a lot of stock, glasses and components of their mobile bar to the fire. However he remains grateful everyone including his staff and guests at the events got out alive...

SHARE:

BREAKING NEWS: FIRE GUTS BALMORAL IKEJA DURING CITY PEOPLE AWARDS TODAY

Fire at the Balmoral during City People Awards today at around 5:30
Pic credit: TimmyNaija

We have just received reports that fire has just gutted the Balmoral,Ikeja, venue of City People Awards 2011 just as the event was in progress. According to our source, the awards had started and just as Abba Folawiyo was called to receive an award,  the curtains were in flames and people started to run for their lives as the fire quickly spread disrupting the event and ruining one of the most beautiful event venues in Lagos.

So far, thankfully there have not been any reported deaths however from the picture above the fire damage looks extensive. Seriously Doughnuts have a reporter at the event and we will give you blow by blow account shortly. Please stay tuned.

SHARE:

MOVE OVER BOYS....FASHIONISTA, NEKS IS ARMED WITH A CAMERA, ZOOM LENS, BLUSHER AND LIPGLOSS....

Neks out at a Lagos Shindig with TV Presenter, Derele

If photography is the new cool, then Nneka Ezeaka (aka Neks) is probably the coolest chic photographer on the Lagos fashion and entertainment scene.I’ve bumped into her at events and I’m always ‘wowed’. She evidently lives and loves fashion..I mean how many female photographers do you know that turn up armed with the camera wearing the hottest fashion pieces her subjects drool over? From the hottest handbags to fabulous neck pieces..Neks as she is fondly called rules the roost in the male dominated world of Lagos fashion reportage holding her own confidently, taking her place amongst the guys, who respectably move over making space for this fabulous chicabelle..

Neks runs her own blog so when it comes to pictures, she does her own stunts (including the Genevieve and Nike Osinowo picture used here..) I’m still dreaming of her lovely Burberry bag from one of the days at the Arise Fashion Week, where she tirelessly worked capturing all the shows. Trust me peeps this girl is one cool fashionista..So if you bump into her at a Lagos event..relax and smile for the camera, you're in fashionably safe hands...

Neks looking simply elegant, yet so chic..
I love the way she handles the camera like 'don't mess with me I'm official..'

SHARE:

FORMER MISS NIGERIA, HELEN PREST-AJAYI AT ALMOST 52, A HEAVENLY WONDER??

Still looking fab at almost 52...Wa ! Wa ! Wee! Wee!
(equals Super-Wow!)

Hey Peeps...I'm about to put in my 'nice-to-have' prayer request (yes o! my Father hears all my cries) but I just wanted to be sure..... Is it my eyes or does Helen Prest-Ajayi, former Miss Nigeria, look fabulous at almost 52..???? Yes...that is fifty and two years on earth (plus looking after husband and children, business etc etc) ...Wooooow! 

Dear Lord in heaven how great are your works...!!! what a wonder...!!!!
Please tell me my eyes are not playing tricks on me so I can continue my prayer request o!
------------------------------------------

PRAYER REQUEST DRAFT: My Father in Heaven, It's your daughter again!..Thank you so much for all you continue to do for me and all the important things you make sure I have ...like life, food and drink..shelter, good health and the love of my family and friends..

but Father I've come again with my 'other' list o (Yes Lord, the same list with all my favourite pretty things..)...Remember that flat tummy and super-shape I've been aiming for? So far, the gym thing is not working out but I think I found a sample to show you Lord.....

(Smiles..)....To be concluded.

=========================

SHARE:

I HATE LACE FRONT WIGS BUT NOLLYWOOD'S TONTO DIKEH'S LOOKS REALLY HOT...

Nollywood Actress, Tonto Dike looking absolutely BEAUTIFUL...

I absolutely HATE lace front wigs!!! Hell would freeze over before an African naturally grows that kind of hair line...The whole concept is great but half of the time it’s badly fixed and wearers have a strange way of looking alike that really makes me cringe. I accept that traditional weaves are fake as well but they are a different kind of FAKE at least you can leave your own natural hair line out and just layer in some lines to add body..but as for LACE FRONT WIGS..'me no like at all'.. they not only look super FAKE, they look ridiculous in almost ALL cases except this one..THE CASE OF NOLLYWOOD’S TONTO DIKEH...

I have to confess her lace front wig installation actually looks really nice! If I didn’t know better and if the colour didn’t give it away maybe I would have thought it was really real (OK, I doubt that)! but there is no sight of that rubbish net and glue marks on the forehead to distract  just the really pretty face we love to see onscreen. Tonto Dikeh...one day please share the secret of how to have fabulous lace front wigs on TV so that Naija lace wig lovers can get with the program..

Infact if there is any good Lace Wig Stylist in Nigeria (as in VERY good). Pls email me and I’ll gladly and freely share your pictures and contact info here and on a t-shirt as I have just about had enough lace wig eye torture in Naij.. 

Meanwhile, I will continue to hope and pray that in every home the mirror, mirror on the wall will tell ladies when their lace wigs are just wrong...

How about you? what do you think about Tonto's hair or lace wigs in general?? You like?

Fine girl no pimples...simple..!

SHARE:

FAST RISING COMEDIAN CD JOHN DIES AFTER CAR CRASH IN LAGOS

Today is a sad, sad day for the Nigerian Comedy Industry and the Nigerian Entertainment Industry as a whole as upcoming Comedian, John Chijoke AKA CD John died from injuries sustained in a car crash last night following an album listening party at Tribeca where he was the MC. He is said to have died today (Thursday 24th) at St. Nicholas Hospital, Lagos.

CD John was fast rising and well loved within the comedy industry. Although he was  a 'new kid on the block' he had a good comedy following and was one of the acts lined up at JEDI LIVE LWKMD 2010, where he performed alongside comedy giants such as Alibaba, Bovi, Elenu, Omobaba1, Seyi Law, Tunde Ednut, Jedi and others..
Many also saw him perform last Sunday at another event but no one imagined that yesterday would be his last performance...

At Seriously Doughnuts, we are deeply saddened by his untimely passing and wish his family strength and fortitude to bear his loss.

May His Soul Rest In  Perfect Peace...


May God bless us all.

SHARE:

CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN SHOES ON THE CHEAP AS SUPPLIED BY THE RED PAINT PEDDLER

Another busy day at the FAKE Christian Louboutin Factory
Pic credit: MrsBush

Na wa oh..LOL! It's game up time again..A hundred years ago we found out that 'not all that glitters is gold' and just as we were starting to get used to that here is another rude wake up call..‘Not all that is red-soled is a Louboutin’...To prove, here in the picture is a dodgy Louboutin factory..

We are informed that this guy's operations are one of a kind. After the paint job is done, the soles are then sanded and roughened up to give them a used look. The shoes are then sold off as pre-loved second-hand Christian Louboutins ..quite an operation right?

It's crazy the extent to which people will go to rip others off..
The guy in the pic looks American..so thank God Naija is not to blame for this but could he be a Naija supplier...?????

So dear Christian Louboutin shoe lovers...I used to wonder how ALL office Chicas could afford to rock (Sunday best) Louboutins  to  work everyday  especially as bad roads, stones and rocks ruin shoes here in Naij..but now I know better..in fact I can see clearly now..

Your game is up..LOL!!!!
Viva Rouge...Christian Louboutin....!!!

SHARE:

SD FASHION SPOTLIGHT: GENEVIEVE NNAJI AND NIKE OSINOWO-SOLEYE TALK FASHION?

Pic Credit: NEKS2U

Stylish Duo, Genevieve Nnaji and Nike Osinowo-Soleye were spotted together at the Arise Fashion Week.I wonder what they were talking about...A 'fashion revolution' maybe..Louis vuitton takeover, Gucci ambush, Jimmy choo arrest, Louboutin tango...Who knows? But today as I'm in the mood to talk 'shoes'... hee! hee!


Warning: When it comes to Genevieve and Nike Osinowo-Soleye I confess it's love all the way....

Gene receiving her Style gong..

Genevieve, 31, recently won the award for the Most Stylish Woman in her 30’s at the Elegance and Style Awards. Guys, I saw Gene twice at  the Arise Fashion Week and boy, my girl has seriously stepped up her fashion game and turned up the heat a notch while at it ... Above, her lovely shoes are one of the most loved from Vivienne Westwood and Melissa's Anglomania collaboration Collection. They were first produced in 2009 but they have since become a ‘classic‘  Vivienne Westwood 'must-have'. The cute thing about the shoes is that they are bubble-gum scented...Especially for people that like to sniff their shoes..LOL!
Fellow fashion lover, BoFinni and I have been trying to buy them for a while, they come in about 5 colours or more  but it was a tall order to find them in our size in any colour combo. After a while we just 'fashied' and gave up but evidently Genevieve found her size and they look fabulous on her..

If you want to steal Gene's style and cant wait to get 'google-ing' the shoe is called 'Vivienne Westwood Melissa Lady Dragon...' 
Much love for you Gene..*wink*!

As for Nike Osinowo-Soleye, 45, she has always been my fashion icon. I have loved and followed her fashion for nearly 20 years so you can imagine my pride when Arise Magazine officially awarded her with the Style Icon Award...I felt like screaming "I said it first.."  Heee! hee! Childish I know but I refuse to grow up...LOL! 
To me this Ex-beauty queen is a fashion trail blazer...I love the exaggerated tassels and the striking colour of the Sonia Rykiel shoes worn in the pic above. Nike Osinowo-Soleye is an avid quirky boutique shopper and she sure knows how to rock her style! 
Listen! The day I styled her for a shoot with Ovation Magazine, I got a sneak preview into her shoe collection..I knew there and then that there was such a thing as a ‘Shoe Heaven’..better believe the hype, Nike Osinowo-Soleye knows her beans when it comes to looking good. As for me when it comes to Nike, I'm shameless..I 'heart ' this woman...love! love! love...

A grainy pic of Mrs Nike Osinowo-Soleye & I.. All tired after the photoshoot..
Honestly, my BB camera can be really crap sometimes..Grrrh!

By the way, please look out for the ‘NIKE OSINOWO COVER’ issue of Ovation Magazine (Out next month). I’ll certainly keep you posted once it hits the streets..I’m sooo excited about it..as the issue is my premiere contribution to Ovation Magazine plus I got to style a woman I have admired for so many years. Now her phone number is on speed dial on my phone for my fashion dilemas...LOL! So, its safe to say that styling Nike Osinowo-Soleye was a dream come true for me but the best part is the fact that she absolutely loved my work and for me, fashion wise,  nothing  beats that....(Special thanks to: The Nike Osinowo Project Team: Wunika Mukan, Nike Adebimpe. The fabulous Designer, Ituen Basi, Tope Adeboye@ Duchess Awolowo Road,Hair and Makeup Artist, Becks Buki, Photographer,Jide Alakija, Fashion critic and style assistants, BoFinni, Hauwa Mukan, Bolaji A.)

Shhhh! Nike Osinowo-Soleye has a range of new products due to be launched soon you can be rest sure that I’ll keep you posted once she takes the lid off the brewing pot  but trust me its fabulously NIKE OSINOWO-SOLEYE.. but just a clue though...It's fabulosity in a bottle..*wink*, *wink*!


I'm still Seriously Doughnuts and fashion is still seriously delish....Yum! Yum!

A close-up look at the 'Classic' 
Vivienne Westwood Mellisa
Lady Dragon 'Plastic' Bubble 
Gum Scented Shoes

Have a fashionably fab Wednesday peeps..


Lots of Love, 
B.

SHARE:

HAJIA BOLA SHAGAYA & MARYAM BAMANAGA TUKUR - PROBABLY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL NAIJA MOTHER AND DAUGHTER-IN-LAW PAIR!

Hajia Bola Shagaya with her lovely Daughter-in-law, Maryam..

Hey Peeps, you've just got to grab the current issue of OVATION MAGAZINE (now out  on the streets and at Newsagents) It's issue number126 featuring Sheriff Shagaya (Hajia Bola Shagaya's Son) and Maryam Bamanaga-Tukur's super-duper, lavish wedding!
The wedding was just before I joined Ovation..Grrrrrh!!! So if like me you were NOT at the wedding, you don't need to miss out on the excitement too. Be rest assured the team did a great job with its exclusive coverage. Just buy a copy of Ovation Magazine, turn on the air-conditioning (readers abroad..you may wish to ignore this one..hee! hee!), get yourself the best seat at home, pour yourself a cold drink and flick through this Special Edition. Honestly it'll be like front row VIP seating at the wedding..
Hajia Shagaya and the Tukur's certainly gave the couple a dream wedding and a half! ..but asides the pump and pageantry and of course the gorgeous Bride and Groom, what got my attention is how beautiful Mother and Daughter-in-Law are..these two have got to be the most beautiful pair ever..! just look at them..
By the way the groom is really handsome too so go grab a copy of Ovation Magazine to see it all.. it's just N2000/£5/$12..it's worth every single kobo/penny/dime...Phew!

But meeen, can someone please explain why Hausa (and Fulani) girl's are much prettier than Yoruba, Igbo, Calabar, Bendel and in fact all other Naija tribes put together???

SHARE:

SD TUESDAY CLINIC: THE THOUGHT DR.™ SAYS: "IF SOMEONE IS PRESSING YOUR INSANITY BUTTON, DEAL WITH YOU"

PATRICIA OMOQUI aka NAIJA OYINBO 

Yesterday a neighbor said to me, “My friend has been making me crazy! I don’t know what’s changed, but lately she criticizes everything I do and say and even think. I feel so attacked that I can hardly listen. I find myself cutting her off, attacking her in return. Then everything escalates. We move from issue to issue throwing darts at each other. I just don’t know what to do.”

“It seems that your friend is pushing your ‘insanity button,’” I replied. “That’s hard.”

For the next half hour we discussed strategies she could take to improve conversations with her friend.

I will be honest. I have an “insanity button” too. When people close to me say certain things, I feel myself screaming inside. I can turn into a person I don’t even recognize. The peaceful, kind, accommodating me becomes a self-protecting warrior on a mission to verbally destroy.

For years now I have been doing deep work on my perceived need to “defend myself.” I grew tired of wasting energy on dialogues in which another person and I tossed comments back and forth at high volume. In the end, we would both leave exhausted having made no progress. Worse, we would merely repeat the same pattern again and again and again.

As my determination to deal with this problem grew, I began to watch how often I found myself arguing with family or friends, trying to make them see the validity of my viewpoints. I realized I that wanted the other person to change—and admitted that they never would. Gradually, I surrendered to the truth that the only one I could change or control was me

One day while I was taking a walk, an illustration came to me. In my mind’s eye, I saw an open wound. Then, I saw someone pouring salt into it. The person with the wound screamed in pain. I came to a profound realization. I had an inner wound, a sensitive raw spot. When someone touched it, I lashed out to protect it. What if my wound was no longer there? I saw that it wouldn’t matter if someone poured salt on it. It was time for Me to take care of My inner insanity buttons. Not long after, I was shocked to find this ancient Latin Proverb, “If one throws salt at thee, thou wilt receive no harm unless thou hast sore places.”

People with inner wounds are difficult to deal with. Here are a few suggestions that may help you begin to take responsibility for your own inner pain spots and improve relationships with others in your life who are carrying inner wounds.

1. Understand your “insanity button.” Monitor your conversations to study your personal patterns. If you pay close attention, you will discover the issues that rile you up, anger—even enrage you. Try to get to the root belief or experience that activates your suffering. An “insanity button” is an inner wound, a hurt that needs your attention. Facing it is a place to begin. Be responsible for your healing. Apply the salve of truth to your hidden pain. Simply looking with honesty, as a compassionate observer, at wounds you hold in your heart can bring a measure of relief, stimulate new insights and spark the healing process.

2. Create space BEFORE you allow a negative conversation pattern to repeat itself. When you notice your buttons being pushed in a conversation, take note and step back. Cool down. Maintain silence even if you want to fight back. Take a few deep breaths. Breathing can soothe you in the midst of an intense interaction. A moment of stillness can make room for inner wisdom to emerge, showing you how to turn the conversation in a new, more hopeful direction.

SD Resident,Thought Dr.^TM, Patricia Omoqui, an American
married to a Nigerian, she proudly
calls herself  'A Naija Oyinbo' and peeps
trust me like she says..'She no fear, fear!'

3. Listen. Really listen. Let the other person finish without interruption. Rather than building your defense as they speak, focus on understanding what they are saying. Try putting yourself in their shoes. How might you feel if you were looking through their eyes? Listening allows the other person to feel heard and valued. It often makes way for greater harmony and personal connection. Those who give the gift of listening, often receive the gift of healing.

4. Avoid the attack/defend cycle. When someone attacks us, our gut reaction is to protect ourselves. Defense is actually attack that we consider justified. By succumbing to this tendency, we get stuck in a cycle of escalating retaliation that fuels the conflict. Resist the urge to counter an antagonistic comment. Instead, let the other person know that you want to understand and communicate in a calm, respectful way. If they seem unwilling or unable to maintain composure, firmly and politely excuse yourself and wait until another time. If you are dealing with a verbally abusive person, you may need to be ready with a conversation closer. You might say something like, “I understand that you are upset. I can see that I may have upset you, and I would like to talk about that. You may not speak to me in this way. It is not acceptable. Let’s talk later when we are both calm.”

5. Agree to disagree. Each person has unique perspectives on situations, relationships and issues. Allow others to have their views and ask them to allow you to have yours. Learn to share ideas rather than quarreling about them. As American philosopher Will Rogers observed, “People’s minds are changed through observation and not through argument.”

6. Seek outside support. When it feels impossible to communicate, consider inviting a mutually acceptable third party to help. A trusted neutral friend, a boss (if this is occurring in the workplace), a mediator or a counselor can help you hear one another and move toward resolution.

Do these suggestions seem challenging? They are. In the words of an African proverb, “Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.” Learn to navigate the waves of human interactions with growing awareness and wisdom.

Apply these tips this week, and you may just find that you are coming to peace with yourself and improving your interactions, even with difficult people. As you do, you will be amazed at the extra energy you free for creativity and enjoyment that comes as you take time to acknowledge and address your “insanity buttons.”

To learn more about Patricia's work and to sign up for Food For Thought, her free daily inspirational email list, visit www.patriciaomoqui.com or email: info@patriciaomoqui.com

SHARE: